Keeping a Tender Heart in a Tough World

No one sets out to become hard-hearted. Yet over time, life has a way of wearing us down. Disappointments, betrayals, and broken promises pile up, and without even realizing it, we start building walls around our hearts. What once protected us from hurt eventually traps us inside. As a Christian pastor, I wish I could say my heart has stayed soft through every season. But the truth is, there are places in me that have grown guarded — and even hard.

The Bible warns us to "guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23). If we don't pay attention, we can lose the tenderness God intended us to live with. Today, I want to help you recognize the warning signs and invite you back into the freedom of a soft, open heart.

Recognizing the Signs of a Hard Heart

When we think of a hard-hearted person, someone like Ebenezer Scrooge might come to mind — cold, detached, and cynical. Most of us would never want to be described that way. We'd like to believe our hearts are soft and caring.

But the reality is, life’s wounds often leave scars we don't even notice. Areas of hardness can form through the hurts and disappointments we experience, especially early in life. What began as a protective wall to shield us from pain can, over time, turn into a fortified prison — keeping us from loving, being loved, and enjoying the life God designed for us.

Understanding the Heart

Just so we're clear — especially for my readers outside the United States — when I speak of the "heart," I mean the inner you: the core of who you truly are. It’s far deeper than just your emotions.

We often try to mask our true selves, pretending to be someone we're not. But eventually, our hearts give us away. Jesus said, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). Sooner or later, the real us surfaces. You can only fake it for so long.

God created our hearts to be tender, loving, caring, and compassionate. But life’s pain often teaches us the opposite — to be guarded, skeptical, and jaded. When our hearts become hardened, it feels like protection. In truth, it's a slow death to the vibrant life God wants for us.

Guarding Against Hardness

The Bible's instruction to guard our hearts is not just about shielding ourselves from bad influences. It's also about protecting our hearts from becoming hard and calloused.

Many of us don't regularly examine the state of our hearts because it can be painful to remember past wounds. But ignoring it doesn't heal it. If we don’t guard against hardness, the life God wants to flow through us gets dammed up, choked off by our own defenses.

We must be vigilant to keep our hearts tender and responsive. Hurt is inevitable in a broken world — but hard-heartedness is not. With God's help, we can choose to remain soft even after being wounded.

Heart Inventory: Questions to Ask Yourself

One of the best ways to stay tender-hearted is by regularly checking in on your emotional and spiritual health. Here are some questions to ask:

• Am I holding onto any hurts or disappointments?

• Have those hurts turned into grudges or bitterness?

• Am I freely loving others without conditions?

• Am I allowing myself to be loved by others?

• What’s coming out of my mouth — positive, life-giving words, or negativity and criticism?

Reflection on these questions helps us stay honest about the true condition of our hearts — and gives us the opportunity to invite God to heal the hardened places.

Final Thoughts: Protect the Wellspring

Your heart is the wellspring of life. Guard it well.

The health of your heart affects every part of your life — your relationships, your faith, your joy, and your ability to fulfill your purpose. Staying tender-hearted in a tough world isn’t easy, but with God's help, it’s possible.

It’s not just important.
It’s a matter of life and death.