Learning to Love Well

When was the last time you heard about or attended a church conference focused on learning how to love well? Throughout my years of ministry, I've found it surprising that I have never encountered such a conference. I've had the opportunity to attend conferences on healing, learning how to be prophetic, end times, and strategies for church growth, but never one specifically centered on understanding and practicing how to love well.

Why is that? The central quality by which we are to be recognized as followers of Jesus is our love for one another (John 13:35). Perhaps we should have more conferences and sermon series focused on learning to love well. Although we are naturally inclined by God to love and to receive love, we still need to learn to do it effectively.

Loving is not typically the first word that non-Christians would use to describe Christians. One main reason for this could be that we, as Christians, may not fully believe that God is love. We may struggle to comprehend the full extent of His love - the height, depth, length, and breadth of it. Instead, we often perceive Him as a judge, and judges are not typically seen as loving figures. However, when we begin to perceive God as a Father, we can develop a better understanding of His love because fathers inherently love their children. We must internalize this perspective and embody God's love in our actions and interactions with others.

Loving well is a skill that requires consistent practice, strong determination, and a deliberate mindset. Above all, it necessitates the guidance, support, and the deep internal work of the Holy Spirit. In the context of American culture, love is often perceived as an emotion, a euphoric sensation that arises in the presence of another person. However, it's essential to recognize that love is not solely an emotion; it is also a conscious decision.

I believe that showing true love involves being purposeful in seeking what is right and best for someone else. It's natural for us to do this for people we are fond of and deeply care about. Jesus emphasized the importance of this by encouraging us to show love towards our enemies and to speak blessings upon those who mistreat us.

The ultimate demonstration of spiritual maturity is wanting what is right and best for someone who wishes the worst for us. In my view, it represents the pinnacle of spiritual growth. I believe this because Jesus taught us that when we demonstrate love toward our enemies and offer blessings to those who seek to harm us, we reflect the characteristics of children of God (Matt. 5:43-48). Furthermore, he encourages us to strive for perfection by emulating the perfection of our heavenly Father, and he emphasizes that this perfection is exhibited through loving and blessing our enemies.

In my teenage and young adult years, I interpreted this passage as a call to be faultless and sinless, akin to God's perfection. However, I later came to understand that the term "perfect" as used in this context conveys the idea of being complete or mature. I came to realize that God's perfection lies in His complete and mature love for all people, even those who harbor hatred toward Him. Consequently, I recognized that Jesus calls us to emulate this depth of love.

The pinnacle of spiritual maturity is often misunderstood. When asked to define spiritual maturity, many Christians would likely mention activities such as reading the Bible, praying regularly, attending church faithfully, and giving tithes. They might also emphasize moral prohibitions like avoiding adultery, gambling, and lying. While these behaviors are indeed important aspects of spiritual maturity, mere adherence to them does not guarantee spiritual maturity. True spiritual maturity, or being children of our Father, is revealed in how we compassionately and graciously interact with our enemies. This distinction highlights the nuanced nature of spiritual growth and the deeper understanding of love and forgiveness that it entails.

Loving those who are kind and caring toward us comes naturally. However, extending love to those who wish to cause us harm, speak negatively about us, or contribute to our suffering is much more challenging, especially for those who are still developing spiritually.

As we strive to see all individuals through the compassionate lens of Jesus, we are called to look beyond their actions and recognize them as cherished and esteemed children of God. Embracing this perspective makes it easier to love others unconditionally. It necessitates a conscious effort to set aside our personal agendas, notions of righteousness, self-centeredness, and entitlements. This entails living in alignment with our connection to and union with the Father. Unfortunately, many Christians struggle to embody this approach, often prioritizing their own needs, aspirations, and desires. Embracing this mindset can be particularly challenging for Americans, as our culture has ingrained in us a strong emphasis on protecting and asserting our individual rights.

The principles of the Kingdom of God operate on a foundation of self-sacrificial love, emphasizing the act of laying down one's life for others and esteeming others as more worthy than oneself. In a society focused on individual rights and the pursuit of personal fulfillment, prioritizing others above oneself presents a significant challenge. However, this selfless approach is integral to the Kingdom Way.

Learning to love well is truly about desiring the best and right outcomes for everyone involved. It would be greatly beneficial to organize conferences and sermon series dedicated to exploring this profound subject. Unfortunately, it seems that many Christians might find it challenging and dismiss the idea. Until we grasp the art of loving well, our ability to influence American culture will diminish, and our efforts to effect meaningful change will remain futile.

Lord, help us to love well!