Simon, Do You Love Me?

Have you ever made a mistake so serious that you questioned if there was a way to make amends? Have you ever felt like God wouldn't forgive you for something you did? Shame is incredibly difficult to bear because it can break us down and make us feel insignificant.

Peter experienced this during Jesus’ trial and crucifixion. One of Jesus’ most trusted disciples, he declared that he was willing to die for Jesus, that he was Jesus’ “ride or die” partner. He thought he could go the distance but when faced with the opportunity to make good on his promise, he failed. He denied Jesus three times.

The worst part of this, to me, is that after he declares his commitment to Jesus, Jesus tells him what is going to happen and it’s not what Peter wanted to hear.

Peter: “I’ll go with you to death! I won’t leave you!”

Jesus: “Peter, you’re going to deny me three times. Satan has asked to put you to the test but I’ve prayed for you.”

Can you imagine what Peter must have felt in that moment? We think we know ourselves so well and Jesus comes along and shows us the real us. Peter gets a lot of flak for denying Jesus but, honestly, would any of us do any different? I know that many Christians through the centuries have given their lives up rather than deny Christ. That is admirable and I do hope that I would do that if faced with that decision.

After Jesus' arrest, Peter denied knowing him and immediately felt remorse for his actions. He was likely overwhelmed with shame and guilt. Although all the disciples abandoned Jesus when he needed them most, Peter was the only one who explicitly stated that he wouldn't. After his resurrection, Jesus specifically addressed Peter regarding this.

With Jesus, there is always redemption!

After Jesus’ resurrection, he met the disciples as they were fishing. He was on the beach fixing breakfast for them. He invites them to eat with him. After they were finished eating, Jesus asked Peter a question.

“Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

I wonder what the other men were thinking as Jesus asked him this. I wonder what was going through Peter’s mind. Was he expecting Jesus to throw his betrayal back in his face? Was he expecting a sharp rebuke from Jesus? He knew he deserved it and that Jesus would not have been wrong in reminding him of his own words, “I will even die with you”.

I also wonder what was going through all of their minds as Jesus called him Simon and not Peter. Jesus had changed his name to Peter back at Caesarea Philippi. But now, he was Simon again. Was Jesus demoting him? Was his name changed back to Simon because he did not stand as a rock when Jesus needed him?

“Simon, do you love me more than these?”

Simon Peter’s response is, “Lord, you know that I love you”.

We miss so much here with the English language because we only have one word for love. To understand the type of love being mentioned, we have to use the context of the sentence to know. In Greek, there are multiple words for love and in this passage, Jesus and Simon are using two different words. Let’s use the Greek words here and see the difference.

“Simon, do you love (agape) me more than these?” Agape here means unconditional, passionate, zealous love.

Simon’s response doesn’t use agape, instead, he uses philo, which is affectionate, brotherly love.

“Jesus, you know that I am very fondly affectionate of you.”

Wow, what a difference. Jesus is asking Simon for the depth of love that Jesus has for him but Simon is honestly confessing that he doesn’t love Jesus like that but he is very fond of Jesus. His betrayal and rejection of Jesus confirmed that he didn’t love Jesus to the depth of agape.

Simon has to face himself in this moment. He has to admit to Jesus that his love for him isn’t as deep and unconditional as he thought it was.

Jesus asks him a second time, “Simon, do you unconditionally love me?”.

Again, Simon responds with philo. “Lord, you know that I am fondly affectionate of you. I love you like a brother.”

I can only imagine the tenseness of this moment as all the disciple's eyes are on Simon, who is probably squirming uncomfortably. I would wager that they are hoping Jesus isn’t going to go around the circle and ask all of them. All of them had fled Jesus.

A third time Jesus asks Simon if he loves him, but this time Jesus uses the same word Simon has been using. “Simon, do you love (philo) me like a brother?”

The passage says that Simon is grieved because Jesus asked him a third time if he loved him. I believe that Simon is grieved because Jesus uses the same word for love that Simon has been using. The beauty of Jesus is that he always meets us where we are, even in our darkness and deception. However, he also always shows us our own reality.

Simon declared he was a lot more committed to Jesus than he really was. Jesus didn’t rebuke him for this, but he did have him come to face with it. In grief, Simon responds to Jesus, “Lord, you know that I love (philo) you”. There it is, Peter is grieved that Jesus knows where Simon is. He knows the truth and he isn’t afraid to confront it.

This is a beautiful story of redemption because, in all three questions, there is never a rebuke but a recommissioning. Simon is being restored to the calling he most likely thought that he had thrown away and lost.

Three times, he is asked, “Do you love me?”. Three times he is told to take care of Jesus’ sheep. Three betrayals, three restorations.

Willing to Accept Us Where We Are

The most wonderful part of this story is that Jesus is willing to take whatever level of love Simon is willing to give. While he wants unconditional love from Simon and for all of us, he is willing to accept brotherly love from him. Jesus always comes to our level and accepts us where we are.

For us to learn to love well, we have to learn how to accept people where they are, not where we want them to be. Are we willing to meet people within their darkness and despair without asking, “How could you have done such a thing?”. Jesus never asked Simon why he betrayed him, or how could he have done such a thing after committing to die with him. Jesus loved him, forgave him, and restored him. Should we be doing any less?

Most of us, if not all, have betrayed Jesus in some shape or form. Like Simon, he finds us where we are and restores us. He set the example of loving well by showing us how to do this.

As I have thought about this story I have put myself in Simon’s place. I have pictured Jesus standing before me asking me, “Michael, do you love me unconditionally, with a passionate and zealous love?”. I have to be honest and say I think I would have to answer as Simon Peter did. “Lord, you know I am affectionate for you and love you like a brother.”

I so want to love Jesus with agape love. I am closer than I have ever been. I am very thankful that he accepts whatever I can give him. Following his example of loving others well, I am learning to accept people where they are and not where I want them to be.

Let’s learn to love well!